The Secret War of Spiders on Me Continues

I had to put the first part out of my head so I could work, until I got home. After that, it was the Crying Game shower and a night of random twitchy flailing. Some people I know would have died. Like… literally driven into the farmhouse I was passing, taken out the family of 3.25 and willfully crashed INTO the gas stove to be sure the whole car went up in a fireball. For serious, because… spider.

I felt something on my arm. I look down, and lo, a freaking spider had shot me in the arm with its web and was traversing from the window to my arm. Hardly the first time some idiot spider has thought I would make a good anchor. WTF. I rolled down the window and it blew out… I was also howling like a … yeah. So, to avoid the heebie jeebies, I did what I could to put that out of my mind. Fluffy bunny mantra.

Fluffy bunny. Cute fluffy bunny. Filling my thoughts. Fluffy bunny…


Funtimes, Strangetimes

Yesterday was interesting. I was invited over to a virtual stranger’s house any time. Gave me his address and everything. Dude practically had tears in his eyes when he praised me for being independent. Awkward. I realize my life is kinda pathetic at this turn of the page but…. tearworthy? I seriously need to step up in the world if people are tearing up and offering me dinner at their house. Do I really look that skinny?

Anyway. The linked page below reminded me of a conversation had while finding out what someone was looking for. Aluminum window shades. Why? To help block dirty electricity. It was fascinating. I don’t really believe or disbelieve stuff as a rule. The world is full of weirdness, and quantum physics is proving a lot of weird stuff to be in some marginal way, truthful, if excessive in most regards.

But he started going at mach 3 with the words and talking on 9/11 and the seventh building and material falling speeds and then moved on to something called the Georiga guide stone or code stone or something… told me to look stuff up on some site I can’t remember. It was funtimes.

Human logic has some wack variables thrown in… it is a good cautionary tale to check one’s own logic tallys.

This bird is NOT HAVING ANY OF IT.

It really is like what is going on in your head during a freak out…

The Bloggess

We can’t get any more pets because we’re not responsible enough, so instead on weekends we go to shelters or pet stores to snuggle with the animals that no one else wants to snuggle with, like weird-looking dogs or cats who are missing limbs.  Even the weirdest animals eventually find a home but I’m not so sure about this one:

That is a parrot screaming at the top of his lungs.  There was a sign on his cage that said “See pet counselor for assistance” and I thought it was good that this bird had a counselor because it seemed like he was in real need of therapy.

I waved a clerk over and I was like, “Hey.  I think your bird is dying” and he said, “No.  He just does that for attention,” as if it was the 80,000th time he’d had to explain that.  And it probably was because a few minutes later another couple was like…

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Spiders are Terrorists

I was sitting in the car, reading In the First Circle by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, minding my own business while waiting for the laundry to finish and along came a speee-ider. It scuttled across the upper portion of my vision, so I look up, already choking on my heart.

“Oh, its a mini tarantula,” came my first thought.

I have never been close enough to see the blue part of its face, nor seen one that big in… oh, ever. I had to look it up later to know the charming blue fangly looking things, below the multitude of beady eyes, is called chelicerae. Fascinating. Really. He meandered across the windshield and ducked into a crack in the pillar between windshield and driver’s window. Isn’t that nice. He has already moved in. So, I named him Moe. Moe also enjoys riding on the rear view mirror while I drive. Isn’t that nice. Moe was treated to me muttering all the way home, “Don’t touch me Moe, and we will be fine.”

Said over and over… I left the sun roof open in hopes Moe would move out. We will see.

Later on tonight, I was again an innocent party to a spider’s terror tactics. I was walking into the bathroom and almost went face first into a brown spider who decided it would be fun times to re-enact Tom Cruise’s part in Mission Impossible. Pretty sure that after my shriek of surprise, Tom Spider was sweating, too. I backed up and decided whatever I was going to do in there wasn’t important. The Foreign National Spider Secret Service really could just do their thing, and I would pretend it never happened.

I suck at Homeland Spider Security detail. If I was paid, they’d fire me.

Thinking About A Girl on a Flight

Just a bit of ramble. Slice of life and nothing more.

I met a girl on a flight, I got to know her life, and then she was gone. Not dead. No, she left the gate with me and went her way as I went mine. But I think about her, sometimes. A lot, actually. Not for any romantic reason, except to perhaps romanticize what may have happened to her after we parted forever. It feels so awful and final.

And that IS the romantic in me. She was young and scared and as soon as she curled up in her seat beside me she was looking for a way in. She started by commenting on the guy complaining behind us. The whole flight he went on about his ex-wife. The tragedy of her mental illness… well, the tragedy it had wrought on him. She rolled her big brown eyes and whispered, maybe a little too loudly, “OhmyGod that guy could shut up any time now.”

He didn’t. But I smiled and nodded, and the dam broke. I’m a little… non-social? Sometimes, especially when the person beside me is clearly from another world. She was all hip hop flash and younger than I. But she needed me, too. She was terrified. I don’t know how she made it with so much fear, except its how we all do. We just do it and look back and say, Wow.

She told me in intricate detail how she would escape that plane if we went down. Water or land, she had a plan… and it was adorable. I didn’t have the heart to explain to her how we would not be flying over the ocean much, and that anywhere else we’d be dead. Just dead. Smash, crash and exploded bits. And… even an ocean crash isn’t very favorable. I did explain to her that it was much safer to be on a plane, even if ours was having code clearance problems, than any land vehicle on any given day.

I love flying. I love the sense of take off, the g-force, the speed. The only thing I don’t like is how the atmosphere drys me out and I’m constantly sucking down water to compensate. It became us talking, and me learning so much about her. Twenty two and so painfully worldly in such tiny, narrow ways. I am naturally dodgy with questions. I am perhaps the most elusive non-famous person anyone will ever meet. I don’t share things well. Opinions, yes! Philosophy, yes please! Teach me things! I love it. But as for my private life, it is ever so private.  A situation I’m trying to fix. Not only because I lost this girl forever, and didn’t have to.

She had a shine in her eyes, and grateful words for me. We were fast companions. Even if there was not one point at which we hit a high intellectual note. I gave her lots of advice on things that seemed to baffle her, things she genuinely seemed to assimilate. Stuff to me that is so basic, but to other people seems like freakin’ magic. I forget how I’ve educated myself, and how strange that is to the average person.

Not to say I’m anything special. But when you’re twenty two, you haven’t begun to realize that true fun comes with learning. Time behind the grindstone teaches that best. Some people never figure that out, and that is the true shame. She wasn’t the only one I met, or enjoyed talking with, but her need of me I suppose is what impacts me most, even now.

I hope I fly again, soon. I love it so much. I will be crammed near the middle of the plane, by but not at the exit doors, and with strangers. I always am. And if I talk, then I suppose they might talk back. Will they leave a hole behind, like this one did?


Soooo…. I had this weird feeling.  I leaned back a little bit and looked up. Lo, a spider is descending.  I roll back my chair and watch it go down to where it realizes it’s not going to land on my head. It starts to go back up. I grab a pencil and snag its web, shouting a triumphant, “Denied!”

Totally flicked it to the ground. You did not get me! Ha!

I’m starting to win this game, Mother f**kers! Ha Ha ha!