Spiders are Terrorists

I was sitting in the car, reading In the First Circle by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, minding my own business while waiting for the laundry to finish and along came a speee-ider. It scuttled across the upper portion of my vision, so I look up, already choking on my heart.

“Oh, its a mini tarantula,” came my first thought.

I have never been close enough to see the blue part of its face, nor seen one that big in… oh, ever. I had to look it up later to know the charming blue fangly looking things, below the multitude of beady eyes, is called chelicerae. Fascinating. Really. He meandered across the windshield and ducked into a crack in the pillar between windshield and driver’s window. Isn’t that nice. He has already moved in. So, I named him Moe. Moe also enjoys riding on the rear view mirror while I drive. Isn’t that nice. Moe was treated to me muttering all the way home, “Don’t touch me Moe, and we will be fine.”

Said over and over… I left the sun roof open in hopes Moe would move out. We will see.

Later on tonight, I was again an innocent party to a spider’s terror tactics. I was walking into the bathroom and almost went face first into a brown spider who decided it would be fun times to re-enact Tom Cruise’s part in Mission Impossible. Pretty sure that after my shriek of surprise, Tom Spider was sweating, too. I backed up and decided whatever I was going to do in there wasn’t important. The Foreign National Spider Secret Service really could just do their thing, and I would pretend it never happened.

I suck at Homeland Spider Security detail. If I was paid, they’d fire me.


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